24 things I have learned in my 24 years of life.

1. To live in a world so largely based on ability,  it is hard to have the term disabled thrust upon you, but not in the way you may expect:

It is not the disability of the person that necessarily holds them back, it is society's impression and ideas of what said person with disability can and can't do that holds us back. Oftentimes this idea also implies that a person's life with disability could never be as meaningful of a life  as a person's life without disability. What these people don't understand is that a meaningful life doesn't come from butterflies and rainbows, it comes from experiencing both good and bad, and not all people view their disabilities as bad. I am disabled and I am not ashamed of that. Yes my life has been different in ways, and I had to adjust the ways I do things and change the way I live because of my disability, but nowhere in that statement does it state that my life is less meaningful because it is different. I believe my life is meaningful because I have experienced so much hardship due to disability in my early life. Because of my disability, I have learned to be empathetic, kind, caring, and hopeful, and none of those are bad things. My disability has created hardship, but it has also created great beauty, and I wish society could have a better understanding that living a life with hardship, doesn’t necessarily mean your life is all bad or meaningless. 

2. Mental health is just as important as physical health, take care of it;

Not everyone has a mental illness, but everybody has mental health and in order to live a functioning role in society you have to take care of your mental health just as you do your physical health. I am a person with seven mental illnesses; I have been in therapy for seven plus years, I have been on 30 plus medications, and I have had brain surgery to place a deep brain stimulator for my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It was at my lowest point that I almost lost my life to mental illness, yet it seems society likes to deem mental health challenges as making a person weak, when it is quite the contrary actually. Those who struggle with their health either physical or mental, have to be strong in order to survive, and if a person takes care of their mental health before it becomes too daunting to face, that can set one up for a better future. 

3. You will grow stronger because of your hardship.

It was just five years ago that I exited an abusive relationship with a therapist. I was belittled and scolded for my existence and made to believe I was useless to the world. Had you told me five years ago that going through almost two years of abuse with this woman would make me stronger, I wouldn’t have believed you, but today I stand here as a better person because of all she did to me. I am more empathetic, more hopeful, kinder, happier, and more at peace, because all I went through allowed me to realize that I get to choose how I live and I get to choose who is a part of my life, and even though she hurt me, I am stronger in the face of the hardship I endured. 

4. Don’t take things for granted: pain can be temporary, but it also can be permanent:

I never really thought about the things I could take for granted when I was younger. I moved about my day being thankful for what I could and not thinking about much else, but now, as a person who has lived in chronic pain for 10 years, I have learned to appreciate the things I could do before my pain condition developed. I never had to think about walking up and down the stairs, or sitting through a class without being able to rest my head against something, and those are just two things that I never even had to think about before my pain started. Today I have to plan ahead for everything, like where I could sit if I am out doing a lot of walking, or having back up medications with me in case my pain reaches an unbearable level. The typical human doesn't have to think about these things, but taking a moment to be thankful you don’t have to worry about how your body might react when you leave the house, will make you a more grateful human being. And sometimes looking at the way another human lives their life can make you realize the things you take for granted that another human may struggle with, and it can be very eye opening. 

5. If you're feeling like shit, do something about it:

This is a piece of advice my behavioral specialist gave me while I was in a partial hospitalization program for OCD. I was having a really tough day in treatment and was struggling to get anything done, so he told me this. He told me “If you feel like shit, do something about it. Do something you enjoy or want to do. Do something in your routine, like showering, that would make you feel productive. Do something, anything, that would help you go from feeling like shit to having feelings that are a little more bearable.” And this has been one of the most beneficial pieces of advice I can give, because it really does help change the mood I have been stuck in and makes me feel more valuable to the world.  

6. Your feelings and emotions are valid, even if you think they are unreasonable:

I am a person who has spent 7 years in therapy, up to three times per week, 30 weeks in partial hospitalization programs, and hundreds of appointments in psychiatrists offices analyzing my emotions, just to learn every feeling you may have is valid. Even when an emotion doesn’t make sense to me, there is more than likely a reason I am feeling that and rather than questioning why I am feeling that way, I say to myself “It is okay that I am feeling this way, and even when I am feeling like this, I can move on with my day.” Being mindful of what you are feeling and recognizing it, but being able to move on, is oftentimes how I can tell if I am in a healthy state of mind or not. 

7. Do the things you love for as long as you can and enjoy them; life is temporary and you never know when you may have to stop:

I used to be a competitive trampolinist, I only competed for one year when my mental and physical health began to decline and I struggled to get to practice let alone compete. I loved the sport and even when I wasn’t competing, I loved going to a trampoline park and jumping around or going in my backyard and tumbling. When I had my brain surgery, I was told I could no longer do gymnastics, and that was a hard fact to accept, but with my best interest in mind, I chose to have the surgery with the hope it would improve my overall quality of life. Today it has almost been two years since I had surgery and; therefore, two years since I have done gymnastics, and as much as I miss it, I have found other activities I love to fill in that hole gymnastics left. I did gymnastics up to the day of my surgery and still love to watch the sport. I learned to make my life great without it, but it will always be a part of me and something I am grateful for. 

8. Shoot for your dreams, it is never too late to pursue your passion:

Even today, I have no idea what I want to do with my life, but I know I love writing, psychology, and art, so I pursue these things. Like writing this article or creating a ring in my jewelry and metals class, I find joy in what I do and therefore I pursue it in some effort to add to that joy. I find that starting a project I enjoy is one thing, but finishing it is another joy added to it. I believe as humans we shoot for our dreams because we want to live a successful life, and part of that definition of success is happiness, and I believe if we do what brings us joy, even if it is not your career, but a hobby, you have been successful in life. 

9. There is always hope:

When I was 15, I almost lost my life to suicide. It was right after I had stopped seeing my abusive therapist and I felt completely and utterly worthless. I had no hope for tomorrow, let alone the rest of my future, so with a great deal of pain in my heart, I wrote my note. The day I was ready to act on my plan, I was at school and had to go in to my English teacher for help on an assignment, and even though I didn't care if I failed, I went in. It was then he found my note that had somehow got shoved into my English binder and he acted. He had told me “I love you,” but not in some creepy or perverted way, he said it and for the first time I felt like I could continue on living. Even though my family and I exchanged “I love yous” every day, I was so beaten down by my abusive therapist, that I believe they said this out of obligation, and so when this teacher told me “I love you” by choice and not with a gun held to his head forcing him to say this, I knew I could continue on. Despite my life being saved that day, I didn't have hope for quite some time, but with treatment and hard work, I eventually got there. So, if you feel there is no hope, and your will to live is dwindling, I want to tell you, that the rain will not last forever, that eventually the clouds will fade and the sun will shine again. 

10. You are never alone in your feelings or emotions:

This is the one statement in this list that I know to be true. It is in the nature of humans to feel anything from melancholy to rage, to elation. Humans are born feeling emotions, from babies to elderly folks, all humans experience emotions; maybe not at the sametime, or in the same way, but I truly believe it is one of humans strongest traits. The ability to feel so strongly connects us as humans, and I believe interconnectedness is when we are most deeply in touch with other humans because in these moments we know we are not alone.  

11. Eat your favorite foods and dont feel bad about it!

I have learned in my time recovering from disordered eating and OCD that life's too short to count calories and restrict what you are eating. Food is often something that can bring people together and make people happy, but when you are constantly focused on how you are going to make it to the next meal without ingesting more than a certain amount of calories, that isnt living life, that is a disorder. Food should be something that brings you joy when eating, that connects you to others, and brings you out of your comfort zone, but when eating becomes disorder, food loses its joy and meaning. So eat your favorite foods, have that dessert with dinner, eat the extra sauce on your pasta, and enjoy your life, because if you are going to restrict your food, you restrict your life and every part that plays a role in your life. It is not shameful to eat and it is not a bad thing; food is a part of our survival, and we have advanced enough as a race to enjoy so many things, why can’t we enjoy food too?

12. Be kind to everyone you meet: you never know what someone else is going through:

I was in seventh grade in a camp playing soccer with mostly boys, but two other girls my age from my school. These girls for some reason ganged up on me and made this time in camp miserable. They had tripped me and pushed me down to the point I got a penalty kick, and on the last day when we had a water balloon fight and had disposed of all the balloons they hid one and threw it at me at the end of the day soaking all my clothes. Had they done this any other time, I would have been pissed, but when they did it to me this time I just got into my mom's car and broke down. Unbeknownst to them, I had been a family member in the hospital and was struggling just to get by, my parents had put me in the camp to try to distract me with all the drama going on at home. Their actions that week broke me in a way I still can't really understand. I never understood why someone would be so deliberately cruel to another person for fun, it just didn’t make sense to me. Since that day I have made a commitment to myself to be as kind as humanly possible to every person I meet because you never know what is going on behind the scenes in someone's life, you never know when a little extra kindness could save them. 

13. Fun socks make the world a better place, find the things that make you happy to be alive:

Socks have always been my favorite thing to accessorize an outfit with. For many years I have found socks with incredible patterns or jokes on them that make me happy to look at. I have multiple pairs of socks that can match my mood on certain days that say, “The universe is kind of a dick” to sloths and lollipops, and I find that wearing different fun socks just makes me happy. So even if you hate socks or find them uncomfortable, I challenge you to find something small that makes you so ridiculously happy to be alive. Maybe it is plants or some type of holiday decor, it is important to fins meaning in the small things, because when you look back on them from years to come, maybe you will realize that these small things were actually part of the bigger picture of keeping you happy and alive. 

14. Therapy is never a shameful place to go or be:

Seven years. Seven years of therapy up to three times per week is a lot. These seven years have been filled with breaking and healing, understanding and developing, and most of all, changing. Therapy can be beneficial in so many ways but that is not what I want to talk about; what I want to talk about is that there is no shame in needing a little extra help. There is no shame in going to therapy and facing your problems, there is no shame in going and saying this isn't right for me. Therapy is meant to be a healing space, but you can’t heal without knowing you need a little extra support. And society deems that needing a little extra support is equivalent to you being weak, but what if i said the opposite? What if I told you that getting a little extra support is brave and shows that you are strong enough to stand up and get the help you need. 

15. There isn’t time to waste with people who are unkind to you- they don’t deserve to be part of your life:

It can be hard to cut people out of your life, especially when they were supposed to be there for you and support you, but did the opposite instead. You have the power to cut out the people who are cruel and who changed from supportive to hostile instead. It took me a long time to realize this, but ultimately after leaving my abusive therapist, I learned I do not have time in my life for people who mistreat me and most of all I do not deserve to be treated that way. My last year of high school I cut off ties with three of my closest friends. I had been excluded far too often and been made fun of and joked about one too many times to say I should just put up with it. So I cut ties with them and my life became better because of it. I no longer felt terrible every time they excluded me and I no longer felt the constant need to impress them or live up to their standards. I chose what was best for me and that was cutting them out of my life. I was able to recognize that I did not deserve their treatment, but most of all they didn’t deserve my friendship if that is how they were treating me. And yes, it was really hard to do, but today I feel as if I am a stronger and better human because I did it, and you are deserving of good people in your life too. 

16. Travel vast and far and immerse yourself in the cultures of the places you visit:

As a child, I was very fortunate that I was able to travel to several countries and states. Everywhere I went, I fell in love with something about each place; whether it be their language/ accent, or their food and culture, I tried to immerse myself into every culture I could. My grandfather was born in Hungary in 1935 and in the early 2000’s moved in between the US and Hungary with his wife; that being said, I have been to Hungary multiple times and growing up thought of it as something like a home away from home. I tried to pick up words in Hungarian and try new foods, because being a part of my Papa's culture was important to me. And I try to place this philosophy everywhere  I travel. I try new things and new traditions that people there follow for an immersive experience for me and an ode of respect to that culture. 

17. Love the ones you love and hold onto them as long as possible, for you never know when you may never see them again:

Whether it is your family, spouse, partner, children, friends, or someone else that you love, love them deeply and love them well. I grew up in a family of four children; my parents, as we grew up, loved us deeply and expressed it in ways from the words “I love you” before bed each night to gifts. My parents are kind and loving people who I am immensely grateful for. They taught me to love people the way I do, deeply and passionately. One of my first OCD obsessions ever was the fear of my parents or siblings dying and never seeing them again. It was a fear I had at three years of age and a fear I still hold today. It is part of the uncertainty I have come to radically accept; I never know when I am going to lose someone, so I show my love to them as much as possible knowing that when they go or when I go, they know they were loved.  

18. Your health is fragile, take care of it.

When living with seven mental illnesses and three chronic illnesses, you learn that health is a fragile thing. There are days where I have gone from playing a sport to crippled in pain that night, and there are times where I catch a cold and am barely functioning for a week.  Yes, this is because of my illnesses, but I think health is fragile for everyone, infact, I think Covid has made that more apparent to everyone than anything else in this time. Covid shows us just how disabling an illness can be and just how a fraction of it can be deadly. Health, like life is a balance and finding the right balance can and probably will be hard, but it will be worth it when you find the sector of mental health, physical health, and happiness. 

19. Education is precious, learn as much as you can for as long as you can, and you will never be a failure at life:

Even from a young age, I have loved school and loved to learn. I found learning to be engaging and found myself teaching myself new things even when I wasn't in school. I believe as life goes on, you should continue to learn things as it keeps your mind engaged in the world around you. Whether you take a class at a community college near you, or you learn a new skill to pursue a hobby, I believe learning keeps the mind young and attentive. We live in a world full of vast knowledge, and there is never a chance where learning can’t occur. So challenge yourself, learn a new language or memorize the periodic table; learn something you think would be fun, because no one ever said learning had to be boring.  

20. The past is as much a part of you as the present, but it has already happened, try not to let it eat you alive. 

When reliving and remembering the trauma I endured at the hands of my therapist, I struggled to stay in the present moment. Each day I woke up feeling incomplete like my past was a heavy backpack on my shoulders. With therapy I was able to unpack that back pack making it lighter to the point all I was carrying was the back of the present and I was able to take time to enjoy the present moment. The  journey to unload the backpack of the past is different for everyone, and what might work for some, might not work for others, but there is always a way to unload the weight of the past and not let it drag in the present. You are not your past, and you deserve to move on from all that happened into what could, because the past is gone and the present is waiting. 

21. Growth is a constant process and healing is not linear, but both are possible.

If humans were unchanging, and our healing was simple, our world would be a boring place to be. We as a species are meant to grow and change and adapt to survive, but in today's society we grow constantly, if not physically than mentaly. Our growth comes from changes in opinion to changes in our bodies, and it can be good or bad, but remember healing is not linear and nor is growth. There are going to be good days and bad days, and while the bad days are awful to live through, they are often the days we learn the most and change the most, because they are the days that show us what it is like to be human. They show us pain is temporary, but so is joy, but the thing most temporary of all is life, so it is up to you to make it a good one. 

22. Being disabled doesn’t mean your life is worth any less than anyone else. You are still deserving of love hope and happiness, and although your life may look a little different from others, that does not make you any less worthy of living a beautiful life, it doesn’t make you any less capable of living a beautiful life. 

23. Each birthday, each year I gain in age is something to be celebrated. There was a time I didn’t think I would make it past my teens let alone make it to 23, making it here is something to be proud of, and although I am not a huge birthday fan, I remain grateful to the fact I am alive and working towards a beautiful life. 

24. If you put yourself out there, pertaining to something you want to do, more and more opportunities will come forward pertaining to this thing. This has something I have learned many times on my college journey, but really relate to any and every part of life. From making friends, to getting your art in a gallery, you have to be willing to take a risk to receive a reward.